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Emery-So Cold I Could See My Breathe |
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As most of you know, my grandma passed away on August 18th at 6:45 am. Also as most of you know, ive been saying "im fine" and "ill be okay", but the truth is im not. I will be, but im not okay(heh, my chemical romance). Im finally coming to the reality of her being gone. I went to my grand fathers house yesterday and sat her their room for a bit. It felt so empty, all her stuff hadnt been moved out yet, and its just like memories ive had were there. So now its all hitting me head on. Most of my family have already already passed the point I have. Now its really just, my uncle, my aunt, and I who are having the troubles dealing with this. My uncle isnt doing good, hes becoming an alcoholic because of this. I have a feeling hes gonna get himself into trouble over it. My aunt is at the same point im at, but she lives in that house. So its harder for her. My main problem is that its hard trying to move on and get back into that routine KNOWING that a big chunk of you isnt there anymore. Its like I cant talk to my family, because im suppose to be strong, and theres really know one to talk to or that can help me. Its kinda of like an alcoholic, but one that doesnt tell anyone he has a drinking problem. Its like hidden, this whole situation is hidden. When you think about it, fuck I lost my train of thought. I dont know, im just letting all this out so its not inside anymore. Now that I think about it high school social life is pathetic. Its like, you spend 4 years trying to be "cool" or "hott" or what not. Then something like this happens and its just like fuck being "cool" or trying to be. I dont even know what im talking about, but yeah im done.
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hurleydude413's journal
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